Fuck Your Silver Linings

Am I a monster of mentality

A sad little sonnet of dramatic lust and hate

Silly little sweat stories

Sugar coated with happy endings

Servant of the fairy tale

And the concepts of karma and fate



Progress said the sun

As it burned and dried my flesh

Cry said the river as it flooded threw my lung

Flow said the heart drained of all its blood

And sing said the bird who has never hurd a song sung



I do not know the difference

From my personality And a flaw

A riddle or a rhythm from a man without a drum

I can cut my eye's from the reflection in a mirror

But to slit my wrist I find less fulfilling then some



Im lost in a mystery yet to be solved

But im more normal the person who picked up this page

Im disturbed by the miseries that swallow my surroundings

Yet im content with the thought of learning with age

Suttle little thing
Walking along
Coat cloaked to the skin
Like a shield of armor
Fake smile
Rosy cheeks
But little do you see
Or should I say
Little have you looked
Morbid little thing
Bones rattled with anger
Skin crawling with silly little hate
Scary little thoughts run threw the mind of the child who walks gently across the street
But little do you know
Such a sweet little thing
Smiles when you wave her across the road
Catches that paper as it falls from the arms of an old man
Moves out of the way of every little stroller
Or gramma with a shopping bag
But little do you know
The mind of a child with such a sweet smile
Until you do you know
And its to late.

And so it feels like an ok day
but its not
like a sunset on a silver lining
pretty as can be
but masked by sweet suroundings and smiles of what you remember
what you want to remember
truth is
darkness still falls as the sun still sets
i kno this
memories are just as good as made for hallmark photos for show
I'll accept it
today
an ok day
I'll take it
even if it kills me tomorrow with and ironic double pronged fork
a new day of fuck ups
fuck you's
OD's
broken plans
being short on rent
breakups
breakdowns
shit
stepping on a nail
problem is i expect so much
and i want so little
or so i think
i hate nothing
i dislike everything
i want company
but im bored of your love
its been an ok day
no one's broken
rents not due
haven't cryed
yet
i guess thats worth something.

(this is a collabo from Henry Mccarty and Dirge of the scattered)


we are tired of your shadows,
the grass has been grown,
you eat the scabs of socios rot,
your character lack has shown,
worn out by listening to the bulls,
shitting the mind of our own
We don't need any more birds,
the coo coos nest all have flown

we the people fathom indiscreet
while the meek suckle the teat
The butterflies are dying,
and the worms always seem to cheat
and the factors wander round
like helpless mindless sheep
missing the piece to our puzzle,
that would make us complete

we, the truant, who balance the table
mind the slaughter of the stables
we fought what was our right,
but now reality, its all just cable
pop cultures thrust fed
though morbid and stale,
the colors are dimmed down,
skinned turned to pale

we turned off the tv,
and we listen to the silent air
nothing heard, nothing said,
nothing seen,nothing there
we're no longer in your network,
the price seemed to unfair
as we watched while you wallowed
in unknowing despair
So here We are waiting,
And our channels are now dead
We fight till we bleed
for the war is in our head

It is folly
it is wrong
it is obscene
it is flawed
it is reproach
it is scorn
it is self-righteous
it is fallen
it is aging
it is poor
it is wisdom
it is a slore
it is retarded
it is drunk
it is thoughtless
it is slumped
it is passed out
it is floored
it is on the wagon once more
it is retracting
it is ejaculating
it is sporadic
it is slacking
it is on the verge of ending
it is almost there
it is one more line
it is blank stare
it is over
it is done
it is going out
it is bar whore fun

Some say he always cried
He said he is always right
One day i turned to help him
To find he was lost at sight
He didn't want company
He gave up on his nightmares
Others noticed he was Loud
But in his head was the real scares
He chose to walk blindly
you cant possible understand
He never showed his emotions
from inside he was never a man
All he ever wanted
Was a chace to finally be heard
to undo from what was slavery
that felt twisted and absurd

Some say she never tyed
She said she's allways wrong
One day i turned to help her
To see that she had gone
She didn't want companions
She gave up on her dreams
Others noticed she was silent
In her head she held the screams
She chose to walk alone
This no one understood
She never showed her feelings
There was no way that she could
All she ever wanted
Was not the finer things
But to take back what was freedom
From what felt like puppet strings

Who am I
As I walk the road to work
I watch the leaves blow rite by as I tremble from the cold
The same day as the last
The same path the stale air the smell of dunkin donutts as a signal im 5 mins from my job
a job
I push over priced heart attacks on middle aged victums
And sweets to intoxicate little ones systems
Another drink I may ask
How was that steak as I walk by
I could care less if mid rare was well or if the chiken was still frozen
A bad sit com my life becomes
Replace the dead fish then off to work
Chew gum as I tap my pen on the pad that displays your poison so my mind dosnt forget to place your order
Every weekend the same
Every hour the same
A routine
A cycle
What if I didn’t show up
What if I slept someplace else last night And decide fuck this plan Screw this routin
Have a cup of coffie jump on the next train and go somewere new
No direction no plan no certainty youll make it past the next stop without doubt creeping on you and you turning back
What if I vanished
Would it matter
Would the steak come out 1 min sooner
Would the ice cream be less melted when placed in front of the sticky child ripping sweet n low all over the table
would anyone notice
one less sad face in the workplace
it’s a job they’ll replace me
its not like im the only one who can do it
im not even good at my job
then again I don’t like my job
it’s a reflection of my future that ive already steped into
what would you do
who am i.

So im tiered and cold
My nipples are hard
And I have a monster hangover
That’s killing my day
Truth is It was a long nite
Whispers of shots
And tonic lingering on the tonge
Beer stains on the blouse
And i cant find my pants
All you want is a bottle of ibporphen and a nap
But your fucked and you have to go to work
Crusty and cranky
With a sent petruding from ever fold in your body
That you would fear and gag from when down wind
I'm already late to start the day
I pull yesterdays socks rite out of the shoe
And put them back on my feet
Lysol the front of my shirt and brush my teeth
I have no shame
I have yet to throw up still
Fragments of last nite in my pockets
In my memory
But still not maken sence
Its almost time for the reference call
The recap of the nite
So i know who not to look in the eye today
I crawl out the door and into the sun
Slither my way into work
Brag about the nite
Get loud get laughing
And im done
15 minuets into work im passing out in my own vomit with a coworker holding my hair
A janater waiting by the door
My boss waiting in the office
do you think that im fucked ? …

© Anafia .......

So your moms a cunt and your dads a whore
Your sister gets beat by her wife
The dogs got cancer and the mail man constantly likes to fuck with you
Beers been 2.50 more then you can afford and there's to many dishes in the sink
You cut your hair crooked
And your shorts don't fit
But what do you do
You're stuck in a world of over dramatic story line details
And there's no way of getting out .
Booze only makes you vomit
Food just makes you shit
And friends
Well friends are always preoccupied with happiness
Your sick of this world and its thoughts of freedom, religion, and tax opportunities
God knows you'll never own a house
Rent was due last week and ur only motivated to pee
The bladder is the most persistent bitch in your life
Men treat you like a dumb blond looken for a free ride
Take that statement as you will
your boss is an egotistical asshole
The channels in your room play only fuzz
And you really wanna know what happened to your favorite fucken t shirt you lost six months ago
Suicide is not an option
There's to many complications
And you're lazy
So motivations second on your list
But you have none
Red bulls lost its kick
And bleach is your best high
What do you do
Do you sit and bitch at the next available sucker who crosses your path with a concerned look in there eye
Or do you sit bitter and hate the god you were given to love
Do you cry love me kind stranger
Or do you get off your ass and strive for a future that's will only shit on your chest and laugh
Take it in the ass bitch or we can't be together
Go figure a statement that sums up the life you live
Give or take
Take and give
You're a liar because you're scared
You're a hater because you feel hated
You alone in a domesticated web of creation that's only the spider would understand
And I just realized
All that ive said
Is to long for a normal human to focus on …

Two valiums and a nap
That’s all i askIm PMSing and the beers not cutting it
I wanna take a deep breath and blame it on harmons
But I think this time
Im to shot
I could turn all the lights off
All the sound
And all I would do is stare into the darkness
Lurking for answers
Or more questions to boggle my mind
Self inflicted mental torture
A sedative if you’d please I can not find my escape ..
I want to nap in the day
I write threw the nite
Coffie’s lost its flavor
Cartoons lost my lust
Passions of artwork diminish and die
Either im aggravated and sad
Or everything is really bland and stale
Two valiums and napThat’s all I ask

© Anafia .......

Monday morning rolls around and a realize I am not the person I was
Damp cloths stale in the bathroom sink
Five beers in the fridge and I wonder
Will the air fresheners mask the smell of rot reeking from room to room?
Maybe I should do the dishes
Can popcorn replace food I wonder?
Breakfast is a special occasion
And my morning starts at twenty to three
I think to myself
Why don’t my socks ever match?
Weres my deodorant
Theres five more minets till CSI I guess ill have to vacuum tomorrow
Tonight ill go to bed early
A few benedryls will do the trick
Two AM rolls around I guess its time to make dinner
Tuesday mornings gonna roll on by and I don’t wanna be hungry
Who was I ..


© Anafia .......

Rusty razors, little cuts
Nasty slashes, am I nutts
Black and blue and shades of red
A walking corpse inside im dead
Flesh the victim of my knife
O pity what a waist of life

© Anafia .......

Some were between the shadows and the street light is my solitutde
The dim bulb flickering like in the movies
A gust of fridget air piercing your cheeks until red
It’s a classic shot
A cell from a mysterious comic book
The women in the long black coat
Boots to her knees an angry sadness in her eyes
Gloves with no fingers, hair tied back
Just enough were a few strands loosen and fall in front of her face
She leans on a brick, scuffs her foot a bit then reaches for her pocket
Keeping her face just enough in the shadows
Pulls out a cigarette
A strong kind
Not classy
Not one of those long skinny ones
A regular menthol and lights it
For a split second you get a glimps of her face as the match strikes the pad
It wasn’t enough She doesn’t want company tonight so she went for a walk
There’s really no were to go so she leads the same path
Finds her normal spot just outside of the street lamps stare
The shadows console her
The wind relaxes her
The darkness protects her
And the cigarette well the cigarette just fits the sceene
Dose it matter what shes thinking
Probably not
But then who cares much for the silent types
I envy her
Only in my deepest dreams
My longer nights do I become her
She is the figment I hold so dear
She is the dark one I wanted to so become
The loner
The strong one
The watcher of shadows in the yellow plastic light man has washed over night
The sad yet peaceful Confident shade of grey
Playing with the spiders and singing to the bats
Being content with the tear in her sleeve
And the trip in her step
Refraining from outbursts
Containing all she fears and yet
Controlling the emotions
And at last but still there
A confident beauty that makes you look twice when she smiles
Today ill dream of shadows and her
Tonight ill stand under the street light and find my seclusion …
© Anafia .......

i reach through you all , with the words without music
counting the debris that made you choke when you abuse it
i ran the traffic lights long before i seen the sky turn gray
so now when I'm tired i just use my excuse and turn away
these liquids is poison and goes well with the color red
from the touch tone, to two tone, its stoned in what i said
it makes sense when i tell you I'm broke except for two cents
time is spent, walked the mile and told this is my true "Rents"
my mind is circling the earlobes of wondering wheres the grass?
the traffic lights still green and no one can ever seem to pass
so i build up an army inside the fort that will never break
crawled up a plan, talked up the future, and fed it to the snakes
my car is running out of gas,and i must refill before its too late
over acting on the under acting doesn't tend to make you seem great
so i see my shadow on my desk, lonely and wondering where is life
the keys start to fade, and i wonder about about th

spilli

somebody could hav

well ue hi s goodb